Puns & dumb links & dry jokes

[bellgamin]

Find your cowboy [uhh... cowperson?] name right here. (http://www.calgarystampede.com/stampede/fun_and_games/nickname_generator.html)

and heeeer's Larry!!! (http://www.feldoncentral.com/humor/larryking.jpg)

Road Rage test (http://www.roadragetest.co.uk/)

Rusky smilie (http://www.kamrad.ru/kvb/forum/friday.gif)
~~~~~~~~
OK. Pay close attention. Here is a very simple little test comprised of four easy questions to determine the level of your intellect. See if you have what it takes to be considered "smart."

Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or wasting of time. And no cheating!

On your mark, get set, go...

1: You are competing in a race and overtake the runner in second place. In which position are you now?

Answer: If you answered that you're now in first, you're wrong! You overtook the second runner and took his place, therefore you are now in second place. For the next question try not to be so dim.

2: If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?

Answer: If you answered second to last, you are wrong once again. Think about it... How can you overtake the person who is last? If you're behind them, they can't be last. You would have been last. It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points.

Anyway, here's another question to try. Don't take any notes or use a calculator, and remember, your replies must be instantaneous.

3: Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000. Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20. Plus 1000. and plus 10. What is the total?

Answer: 5000? Wrong again! The correct answer is 4100. Try again with good calculator. Today is clearly not your day, although you should manage to get the last question right...

4: Marie's father has five daughters:
1. Chacha
2. Cheche
3. Chichi
4. Chocho
5. ????
Question: What is the fifth daughter's name? Think quickly...you'll find the answer below....

Answer: Chuchu? WRONG! It's obviously Marie! Read the question properly.

You are clearly the weakest link. :D :p :rolleyes: :cool: :D

shaloha......bellgamin

[Gade Terbob]

Where do you come up with this stuff?:eek:

Although, I have to admit, the link to the Calgary Stampede brough back some rather fond memories.

[Gnomercy]

An old man is talking long-distance to California when all of a
sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, give me back the
party!"

She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over
again."

He says, "What do you want from my life? Give me back da party."

She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again."

He says, "Operator, ya know what? Take da telephone and shove it
in you-know-where!" And he hangs up.

Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping
guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out."

He says, "Why?"

They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if
you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone
here."

He says, "Wait a minute, what's da rush, what's da hurry?" He goes
to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello,
Operator 28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you
to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-where?"

She says, "Yes?"

He says, "Well, get ready -- they're bringin' it to ya!"

[Afkamm]

Hey Gnomercy, here's a site with some serious hardware pictures :D

http://hardware.localhost.nl/index.php?ct=top


Marc :-)

[Gnomercy]

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the 2003
Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella
Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued
McDonalds.

That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most uniquely
successful lawsuits in the United States for last year. Actually,
joint awards should be given to the plaintiff attorneys and the
flaming idiots on the juries who awarded anything at all to these
morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!!

The following are this year's candidates:

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a
jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler
who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store
were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering th! e
misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel
of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he
had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to
get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was
malfunctioning. He couldn't reenter the house because the door
connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The
family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in
the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he
found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's
insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish.
The jury agreed, to the tune of $500,000.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and
medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next
door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's
fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt
the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr.
Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft
drink and broke her coccyx! (tailbone). The beverage was on the
floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
earlier during an argument.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of
a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom
window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This
occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window
in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was
awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-
foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven
onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly
left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup
of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and
overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in
the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury
awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually
changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case
there were any other complete morons buying their recreation
vehicles.

[Nedani]

I hope this is a joke.

[Afkamm]

A lot of them, if not all, are urban myths. Very hard to tell the difference when they involve stupid people :D


Marc :-)